This week, I went to an Iron and Wine concert, had an “International House of Gingerbread” party (where we made gingerbread houses that were from all over the world. Provence, Alaskan eskimos, Native Americans, and possibly a yurt were all represented.) I also decided to move to Washington. Then I undecided to move to Washington because I wanted to pray about adopting a baby next year. Then I undecided to adopt a baby next year, maybe the year after, because I redecided that I wanted to move to Washington. Don’t be worried for me or my children, present or future. Just don’t. Because… then I finally rested in the fact that I am flighty and overly spontaneous, and need to just shut my little head up, because God always takes over and tells me what to do or wrecks my plans in a good way anyway. Once I found the freedom I sought with God on that, I went to a Christmas party and danced my batootey off to Michael Jackson. I slept soundly that night. Ahhh…the joy of being ME! That last sentence is sarcastic, because it’s exhausting, I tell you. See now why Nate called me his “little schizophrenic”? He reveled in thinking he was the normal one…ha. No. We were just both weird. Probably exponentially weirder together.
I tell you, though. It is still uncanny to me that I have such power to make decisions about things for Jack and myself. I mean, screwing up my life is one thing…screwing up Jack’s is another. I also have realized that no matter how much I try not to, I will screw up Jack’s life anyway. It is just a matter of degrees of screwed-upness, really. Now I feel the full power of what men leading their families feel like with this. Not that it’s completely up to them, but I always thought they would have to answer for their leadership of their family. In my family, I’m like a man/woman parental role combination here. At least last time I checked, I am fully a woman and carry her responsibilities, but now I have Nathan’s, too. (At least the parenting ones. Because, uh, I don’t have a wife. Obviously… Wives are hard. I don’t get women and I am one. Kudos to men for liking us anyway.) But I see now how Nate was worried about these responsibilities before he died, and how relieved I was I didn’t have those leadership responsibilities at the time. Joke was on me, I guess, cuz now I got ’em all! However, I also see God’s grace at major work in all my familial roles.
Alright, so. I was tagged for a Christmas Survey, so let’s get this baby out in the spotlight. Ahem:

1. What kind of tree do you have?
Douglas fir from Oregon, BABY! Oh yeah, it’s the cadillac of trees.

2. What is your favorite Christmas movie?
“It’s A Wonderful Life”. Does “Little Women” count as a Christmas movie? I like that one, too.

3. What is your favorite Christmas holiday food?
Egg nog. Except for Nathan’s homemade egg nog. One year, we had a Christmas party and he made the egg nog from scratch. He messed up on it, and it separated, but we all drank it anyway. He also made it way too alcoholic, but that was the first year we were married, and for some reason that year, he really got into drinking “nightcaps”. Haha. It cracks me up to think about it. Every night he would have a gin and tonic (sick) and talk about how CS Lewis like it was. I’ve never ever heard of CS Lewis drinking gin and tonic, but…whatever. I’ve already explained he was weird. Anyway, I got food poisoning and spent the last hour of that Christmas party throwing up upstairs, while no one even noticed I was gone– including my husband. Geez. I felt really loved that night by everyone who knew me. Nathan’s homemade egg nog makes my stomach churn just thinking about it. Still don’t know if that was it or something else that made me sick, but no one else got sick but me.

4. Do you use wrapping paper or gift bags?
Um, whatever my mom has available in her Christmas gifting supplies stash. I like the paper better, even though I’m a seriously crappy Christmas present wrapper.

5. Do you have a nativity scene in your house?
Yes, it’s on my Guatemalan Christmas tree skirt. It’s really cool and “Guatemalan-like”… I don’t know what that means either.

6. What is your favorite Christmas song?
“Oh Holy Night” when it’s done simply and they go really, really high on the “Oh, night divine” verse.

7. What is the most memorable gift you received as a child?
My dog, Korky, when I was 13. Who just died a couple of weeks ago. Geez. Thanks for bringing that up, stupid Christmas Survey.

8. What was the worst gift you ever received?
I didn’t date in high school due to Joshua Harris’ “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” book. I also managed to convince some of the other youth group girls to give up dating…until they liked boys. Anyway, one year in youth group, we had a white elephant gift exchange, and you know what I got? “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” with a box of matches, sincerely, the youth group boys. I also had another friend in youth group artfully re-prepare the cover of the book, now entitled “I Couldn’t Get A Date So I Made Up An Excuse”.

9. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
Consumerism. Period.

10. Favorite thing about this time of year?
Mi familia. And the Christmas lights. And things like International House of Gingerbread day.

Hmm. I tag Mackenzie, Katy, and Melyssa for Christmas Survey. I doubt any of you will do it. Ha.

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