I almost won a BMW and a flat screen TV today.  Nate and I had been signing up for things like that in hopes that we would get our lucky break one of these days.  I won the drawing and was about to go in, but they said I had to make at least $40,000 a year as part of the prize rules.  I told them I didn’t.  They told me “Too bad.”  I lost my BMW and flat screen TV as quickly as I had won them.

I have a bomb to drop on you now.  The bomb (which is probably obvious to some by this point) is that Jack and I are making Seattle our new home.  Why Seattle?  I don’t really know.  Nate was from Oregon, and we were always on the verge of moving to the Pacific Northwest at some point.  I want Jack to grow up there.  Like the good little mountain man that he truly has within him.  Also, we’d be closer to some of Nate’s family, who we only get to see once or twice a year right now.  And, the major reason for moving, it is time for a change.

It’s really intimidating, because I’ll be moving away from the helping babysitting arms of my parents.  I feel like the more full “single-mom-who-has-no-help” experience is waiting to snatch me around the corner.  I’m leaving the city where my grandparents lived, my parents met and married, I went to college, I met and married Nathan, where we bought our little house, and where my child was born.  There’s a memory on every corner.  And, not to forget, I’d be leaving The Village, my church who took it on to be a husband to me after Nate died.  They’ve been so good to me.  I tear up writing that.

But I feel like God is telling me that I need to get away from my comforts if I want to move forward.  It can’t be healthy for me to live life as I did when Nate was still alive.  Still in our house where his shaver still sits on the little shelf above the toilet, shoved to the back now and dusty with dis-use.  I haven’t thrown away the deoderant he was using.   I mean, I’ve  made good steps forward this year and nothing remains the same of how it was.  But I need to start a new life of my own, and that, in this case, seems to involve a new location, new everything.  It’s hard.  But maybe it will be really good.

I’m excited about it in a non-excited sort of way.   Listening as the girls I’m moving with get all giddy about it, I realize I can’t relate with that.  As perfect as those roommates are, having a husband and family was better.  Yet, for the situation I’m in, I couldn’t ask for anything better.  I’m hopeful that God will show me things about myself, that Jack will somehow be a better person for this, that we will have opportunities for things there that we wouldn’t have here.

So here’s to Washington.  Coming to ya in April.

P.S. If anyone wants or needs to rent a 3 bedroom house in Denton, please let me know.  Especially if you don’t do drugs, have a criminal record, and think I will like you!

Advertisements