Okay, for the third installment of our lovely honeymoon:

We had rented a moped to zip around in. We loved it, though we had problems with it, which I will relay in the last post.

One morning, I woke up to the sound of the moped buzzing outside. As Nate was sleeping next to me, I realized someone must be trying to steal it. I peered through a hole in a slat in the wall (isn’t it horrible that that’s all I had to do?). Nope, it was still there. And turned off.

So what was that sound? It was a huge Jungle Bee/Pepsis Wasp/Tarantula Hawk/Satanic Spawn. About two inches long. I’ve read they get bigger (see previous post for a picture). Every single morning, very very early, It would come in from Its gruesome lair in the jungle and buzz annoyingly around the light fixture in our bedroom. It was hard to sleep because It buzzed so loudly, and It was so big, we were afraid that It would be able to push aside our mosquito net.

So, once again, Nate got up to battle the rainforest elements in our bungalow. He got his trusty stick (the one that would later be used to fight off bats) and started swatting at The Bee. But the problem was that The Bee did not seem to be afraid of the stick in the least (probably because It could pick it up and start hitting Nate with it, if It wanted to), and was very good at dodging the trusty weapon. Then It would just hover in closer at Nate like It was threatening him or something. We figured out very quickly that The Bee was very smart. Weirdly smart for an insect. Finally, after nearly getting stung, Nate crawled back to the protective mosquito netting, which we secured as best we could, and just decided to sleep in and wait it out.

The next night, we decided to dump out an entire trashcan full of sheets and towels and use them to stuff into the cracks in the walls. It took us a very long time, because we were actually bat proofing the room as well, so the job needed to be done well. The next morning, I woke up to the sound of the moped-being-stolen Bee buzz.

“Bwa ha ha. Try as You might, little [big] Bee, You won’t sting me!” Nate garbled at It, half-asleep. We smiled at each other about our victory and were not deterred from our newly-wedded contentedness. This was, after all, our honeymoon. I rolled over and closed my eyes again.

…A few minutes later, I heard The Bee on the outside wall right by my ear. It would get louder, then quieter, louder, then quieter. That’s when I realized The Bee was actually ramming Itself against the sheets we had put up. This slightly worried me, but we just went back to sleep.

…A few minutes more, I heard The Bee ramming again, but this time It was on another wall. “It’s actually testing the structure for weaknesses,” Nate mulled. “This is one scary freaky Rambo Jungle Bee.” Slept a little longer.

…A little while later, and the buzzing was loud. Real loud. Like It had gotten inside loud.

We both popped up to discover The Bee chauvinistically prancing around our light fixture. And now, we had trapped ourselves inside with It.

Eventually Nate ran out of the mosquito netting with the same gall as a man leaving the trenches during war, and yelled as he ferociously ripped all of the sheeting down around the room, then rejoined me in relative safety until The Bee flew away.

Later on during the honeymoon, we went on a zip line through the rainforest canopy (Beautiful! We were very blessed to have gotten to do that in Costa Rica and in Ghana.). Nate came across the biggest ant you have ever seen. It was like an ant on steroids. A bullet ant. Very dangerous. But we didn’t know that.

Nate was pointing his finger at it, relatively closely, when one of the guides calmly said, “Hey, ju know thees ees no good to touch that ant? Eet hurts! Baaad.” We were thankful he told us, though wondered why he had let Nate get so close to it in the first place, as he was watching Nate the entire time of ant exploration. When Nate told him about our Jungle Bee, they told us we needed to stay away from It, because Its sting had been known to kill people. Kill people!!! Geez. We did a better job with our sheeting that night, and The Bee must’ve flown over to a lighting fixture next door or something. BWA HA HA!!! VICTORY!

warrior.jpg

This is Nate with his bat/Jungle Bee battling stick, dressed in our closest rendition of native war apparel. Attire courtesy of the huge trashcan of sheets and towels in one of the closets. His demeanor, though readied for battle, looks relatively normal here…

crazy-honeymoon.jpg

A few days later… Unfortunately, by the end of the honeymoon, we had had to resort to our ancestral, caveman/woman survival instincts, and looked a little worse for the wear. It took us at least a month to return to civilized behavior once we came back. I could uncurl from fetal position and Nate’s facial twitching stopped a few months after that.

Advertisements