I just got back from San Francisco.  We had SUCH a good time, I’ll post up some pictures later this week. 

Some of you may have caught the recent comments about a woman named Kristy whose husband drowned in a boating accident over Easter.  If not, you can read about her here.

It was brought to my attention because of the similarities of the deaths of our husbands and the similarities of our lives (they were young newlyweds, also…10 weeks, actually).  You can go and see she’s already written a few times to everyone. 

I read it.  I got sick to my stomach at descriptions that really did remind me of the day Nate died. I wept and felt this overwhelming urge to reach my hand through space and time to pluck her out of that hell and put her back with her husband, or somewhere, anywhere where she didn’t have to feel that pain and sick sick sick anymore.  Even just to pull her out of it to myself.  Which is ironic, because why would my life bring any comfort to the poor girl?  But it was a reaction.

And I’m transported into the place of waves of people 15 months ago hearing about a young man with a little wife and newborn baby who drowned in Oregon when his boat tipped over.  I heard about people, that I didn’t even know that well, weeping inconsolably for days in their beds, unable to go to work.  A few people who did go to work called their co-workers together, because they couldn’t concentrate on what they were doing and just prayed for my family–not even in Christian workplaces.  My reaction at the time was amazement at why are people having such a reaction to my situation?  People die everyday, tragedies occur everyday…why does everyone care so much?  But I was thankful, and I’ll admit not a little overwhelmed by it.

I see it now.  I’m comparing my situation with Kristy’s now. A new marriage, a new baby in my case, a new life, all very near the best of the things this world has to offer.  Things of innocence and love.  Then you see those things ripped violently apart by the great beast Death.  You hear about a good man–a man who was cut off in his prime, who should have been there to fulfill the dreams he dreamed and care for the family that he apparently loved and did a good job with.  Then you hear about his little wife, and you imagine her sitting there shaking, lonely, and unable to fully comprehend what just happened to her.  In my experiences, it was not quite like that, because God does something for the broken and the hurting in situations like those (and I think most of those that are going through things will agree), but having said that the pain can still be unbearable.

The fact is that there have been SO many people I’ve been connected with on here that have lost their spouses, their brothers, their children, their grandchildren, their parents, their friends…and in non-virtual life, too. 

I’m no theologian.  I’m a weak human being. But here’re my thoughts about all this for what it’s worth.  Any evil, any unfairness, any pain…I don’t think that’s God’s fault.  I just think He uses it in a way that makes it teach us things, that draws us to Him.  And all the screwed-upness of the world, He’s gonna fix it.  Not only fix it, but transform it into something beautiful like a phoenix rising from the fire.  In middle school, when the mean girl hurt your feelings, He’ll transform that one day.  That time that person cheated you out of all that money, He’ll transform that one day.  That time that you hurt that person and you feel guilt about it, He’ll transform that one day.  When your loved ones die, He’ll transform it.  When you die and it hurts as it inevitably probably will in some way or another, He’ll transform it.

We underestimate Heaven.  We don’t think about it enough.  We lose our focus on it.  We underestimate the feeling of Home.  This life, it’s not just to get through it and hope that we become better people by the end.  Good deeds are not so that we feel good about it and go off to do the next thing.  Everything we do has ETERNAL consequences.  Bad and good.  There is a spiritual battle going on, and when we pray we affect it.  When we do God’s will, we are a pawn being put in place to win an ancient and powerful war that is going to end soon, so we can go Home to be with all the people we were ever supposed to be with, to live in the manner we were always meant for, to be free of all we were never meant to be burdened with, and to be married, befriended, parented, and loved by the King of the Universe.

All this hurt.  He’s taking care of it.  And He’s taking care of the hurting.  He asks us to pray for the hurting.  He likes that and it moves spiritual battles for whatever deep and mysterious reason. 

And for the rest of us, the state of the world is only a reminder of how wonderful Heaven will be. 

Come soon, Jesus.  Please. 

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