Hi! My name is DIY Betty. I fix my own house, and [attempt to] look carefree, put together and beautiful while doing it! I am the Betty Crocker wo-man of my house, and you can be one too, my fellow Betties!

Here’s what I accomplished this week.

. I mowed.

. I weeded my yard and trimmed the roses, Rose of Sharon, random plant that I don’t know the name of, and… other random plant that I don’t know the name of.

. I FINALLY found the paint color that matches my cabinets, and repainted them as well as most of my baseboards and doors. I still have to paint my kitchen ceiling where parts of it are different color whites. Different color whites, you ask? How many different kinds of white can there be? A plethora too many, I answer.

. I recaulked the shower.

. I had the deadbolts changed [by my dad].

. I cleaned and regrouted my bathroom floor.

. I finished my taxes that I had to file an extension on because I am a procrastinator. Which has nothing to do with DIY Lauren, I mean Betty, but just sayin.

Here’s how, for example, you can regrout your bathroom floor AND look great, Betties:

First, OF COURSE, take a picture of yourself. Or 3. However many it takes to look good while fixing up the house. (You might want to photo shop any wrinkles, blemishes, or facial features you were considering getting plastic surgery done on, also.) See that kitchen mixer? That is the Betty Crocker equivalent of a “man-mixer” that we are supposed to use according to the directions. Silly directions! We want to make sure (hope) that this handy little kitchen gadget mashes our pretty grout into a sandy pulp–the key is NOT to break it, Betties! Grout mixing today–chocolate chip cookies tomorrow!

The next part is the hardest part, Betties. The bag/recipe only gives directions for using the entire bag. But we only want to use a small portion of the bag. You might sit for 10 minutes making lame attempts at fractions and high school algebra before you curse your non-mathematical, female brain (yes, there are mathematical Betties, we just aren’t friends with any of them), and just start measuring it out anyway. With your kitchen measures, of course!

Adding plenty of water…I only put this up because it shows off the backsplash I put up three weeks ago. DIY Betty strikes again!

Then forget to upload probably the most exciting picture of all. Which would be you mixing the stuff with your kitchen mixer. You might feel too lazy after a long day to go back and upload it, so you put up a picture of…oops…a mess, Betties! Chip chop! Let’s clean it up!

Now, Betties, you might wonder if painter’s tape is supposed to be used with grout. And the answer is, WHO KNOWS, DO IT ANYWAY! You might giggle at yourself and clap here. You might see that I put the grout in an old bowl. That’s the beauty of having many roommates who leave random stuff at your house, Betties. You can completely waste it on things like this! Also, hope that a sponge works instead of the grouting tools those silly directions call for.

Also forget to upload the second most important picture–which would be you actually grouting. Oops. Giggle. See here, Betties, I made about 3 times too much grout! Darn that non-algebraic brain!

Oh well, since we don’t know whose bowl that is anyway, and we don’t feel like cleaning up…We’ll just throw it all away. Whipee! After this, you might suddenly realize that you got grout on your camera from taking pictures with dirty hands. This might make you cuss up a storm a little. ONLY if the kiddos are sleeping, Betties!

And, finally, don’t take a picture of the final product, but one of the recaulking you did on the bathtub. Why? Because you are bored with the grout now, Betties, and you want to show off your pretty bathtub now. See? Eeeee!

That’s all for today, Betties! And remember: If you follow the directions exactly, you’re only being uncreative!