One year, one half.

That’s how long it’s been since Nate died as of today… Has it really only been that long? Seems like many years. I miss him a lot and have been gloomy today. He was so handsome and strong, in more ways than one. I even unearthed a couple of love letters I had written him when we were dating, which was a treasure to find buried in old notebooks with budgets and obsolete phone numbers. Man, I was a good girlfriend. Ha ha. Either that or a really good love letter writer. Nate was a good love letter writer, too, but he was distinctly better at showing in his love in person. I’m especially appreciative at how affectionate he was, but I think he was best at the love of patience and consistency. You know, being steady in the way he loved me. That’s the hardest one probably, but I think that might be my favorite way of receiving love. I think it’s the way he blossomed me as a woman. He was pretty swell. Maybe you guys will get to meet him one of these days, in a place far from here.

But I don’t feel like talking about him much more right now. Really, I’ve just wanted to keep my thoughts about him to myself lately, like I’m protecting them or something. That, and I’m concentrating on just getting all the stuff that needs to be done. I’m in the middle of packing up my house. But most most most importantly, I’m trying to concentrate on spending as much time as I can with people I love before I leave on Thursday. Still didn’t get to everyone, though. I love my friends. There’re so many of you good ones out there that I’m going to miss. Good thing we live in an age of computers and airplanes where long distance doesn’t have to be that big of a deal.

Oh, and I’m speaking tomorrow (Wednesday) night at The Village for a prayer and fasting night for Burma. I hope I don’t trip up the stage and have my dress fly up, or start choking in the middle of speaking and have no water. Those are the stupid things I worry about rather than important messages that I’ve been asked to convey to people…Good grief. I need help.

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